The Anonymous Back
by tiddarifka
Summary: The whole thing started, as these things often do, because one person had an amusing idea, that became a reality and then a trend that would haunt participates to their graves. This time around it was nude calendars for charity. Collective scream of horr
1. Chapter 1

The anonymous back

The whole thing started, as these things often do, because one person had an amusing idea, that became a reality and then a trend that would haunt participates to their graves. This time around it was nude calendars for charity. (Collective scream of horror)

Anko had brought back one from outside, a civilian publication featuring the local fire brigade with half their uniform artfully arranged, the other half missing and various pieces of equipment used in a suggestive manner. This created a ripple of interest in the ninja populace and annoyed Jiraiya because it lessened interest in his latest book. It probably would have stopped there too, if a drunken Tsunade hadn't proclaimed that Mr. October had the best butt, that Konohagakure's only decent butt had been the deceased Hayate (when he was 4) and that no one in her village had the guts to bare all for charity. She then fell off the table, and was forcibly confined to bed and paperwork for a week.

It was enough to spark off an avalanche of interest. Surpriseingly Ibiki took control as soon as it became apparent that the idea was not going to go away, so he laid down the following ground rules.

All proceeds go to the orphans funds. (always under pressure)

No female ninja were to be involved, especially those who specialized in seduction to complete their missions. (no he's not being sexist just paranoid)

All Photos were to be anonymous as possible.

No one had a problem with the first, but the second and the third did cause outright arguments until Ibiki quietly told them that the photos could always be used to identify bodies both alive and dead. Most took the hint; those that didn't had intelligent friends to explain it to them. (Gai and Asuma had to tie Kakashi up, apply a truth serum and explained it to him in small words over 3 days, so great was his disappointment).

A weaken by paper work Tsunade , after some discussion with Ibiki and other security persons, then officially laid down the following ground rules.

No ninja who used seduction techniqces involving nudity was to take part. (unorthodox means of identification to targets)

All photos were to be chest, torso or back shots in black and white or sepia tones. ( no easily identifiable head shots or skin colors)

All photos to be anonymous to outsiders, but inhabitants of Konohagakure could nominate and vote for their favorites, but the results would be kept secret and only a full list of those nominated would be published.

Only twelve, those with the highest vote counts would be published, but the centre fold photo would be the best photo taken, not the most popular.

All the usual rules of over the age of 18 etc. would apply.

Anko as the party held responsible for introducing the idea was placed in charge of the nominating process and as such forbidden to enter. She promptly went into bitch mode and had to be restrained from killing Genma who kept opening his mouth at the wrong time. After much kafuffle, argument and outright threats, approximately 2 thirds of the chunnin and 1 quarter of the jonin were qualified and nominated.

The official photograher was seen with tears of joy running down his face on hearing he was at last allowed to do more than argue with snotty genin. His artistically beautiful photo style that had gotten him the highest paid job in the village would now be used to its greatest extent. He thrilled to the challenge of the limitations; oh it had been years since he felt his heart beat with such enthusiasm. (He was so unrecognizable from his usual grumpy self that Ibiki put him under surveillance just to be sure no enemies could replace him.)

Ibiki, together with the heads of Anbu, arranged a secure studio space and the schedule the nominees were to adhere to. No one was allowed to back out simply because greater anonymous numbers meant more security for everyone. (Even though the large numbers threatened everyone's sanity. Ibiki discovered a fetish for self abuse via headache that surprised him.)

Finally, after 2 months since the start of the …trend, communal headache, nonsense, fiasco? The photos were selected and turned into a rough copy that ended up on Tsunade's desk for final approval.

It contained beautiful photos of 8 men and 4 women with the most beautiful bodies, all artfully lit in subtle tones and sensuality. Then there was the centerfold photo, a male viewed from the back on a cane chair. Done in sepia tones he was only visible from the hip bones up and as he had his head resting low on his forearms on the back of the chair, all you really saw was an artful mass of bedroom hair that came to rest just below his nape. His build was of average height and weight but had the beautifully defined muscles of a gymnast. Tsunade spent 5 minutes drooling at him and then tried to steal the photo.

At last the calendar went officially on sale (which again annoyed Jiraiya as his book sales hadn't really recovered since the start of this fiasco). For the next week 'guess the ninja' was the game everyone played. The identities of most were never made public, but there were exceptions.

First and most obvious was Gai's photo, no he was not doing his thumbs up pose, it's just that the tight green jumpsuit leaves nothing to the imagination especially on a hot sweaty day when it practically molded itself to his body. He was in black and white tones, a full front torso shot that started at his hips and stopped below his chin. It was a classic wilting pose against a Greek pillar with ivy. For once people agreed that he was indeed in the springtime of his youth.

The second ID was somewhat slower; a woman shown neck to thigh from the side sat in a window frame toying with a necklace, a ribbon and of course a kunai. It was proven to be Kunari when Asuma, back from a mission of a couple of months, first saw the calendar, fainted from blood loss (mission related wounds, cough, cough.) and then marched over to her apartment for the loudest domestic argument in recent history.

Kunari then ID Asuma in the calendar to shut him up. He hid in shame for about a week. His photo, done in silver nitrate, consisted of torso shot, a lot of discarded wrapping paper and a large metallic ribbon ornately wrapped about his manfully furry chest and shoulders. (Yes, a lot of enterprising people started selling 'Asuma' teddy bears as soon as they found out).

And so over time, eventually most people discreetly found out who was in their favorite photo… except for the centerfold. No one ever found out who that was… until Naruto bothered looking at it, and then he started to laugh in spite of the fact that Sakura had him in a headlock. (He really wasn't interested such things since training under Jiraiya).

He laughed so much he ran out air and went unconscious to Sakura's surprise. She dropped him on the floor picked up the centerfold for another look to see what could possibly cause his reaction. Sakura saw nothing new, not even with a magnifying glass. It was the same beautiful male back with his head resting on his forearms on the back of the chair. All lovely muscle tones set off with reflective oil and artfully arranged light.

Naruto recovered and spent the next week giggling at her every time she asked about it. Finally Tsunade (tired of her student's constant distracted state of mind) demanded he tell her what he knew; Naruto grinned, and started babbling about hiding in plain sight and how reflective surfaces could fool the eye. Tsunade threw him out after 5 minutes then went and looked at the photo again. She eyed it carefully and then started to laugh.

Right there in plain sight, but carefully camouflaged by the reflective surfaces created by the oil and light was a thick scar about 10cm long, smack in the middle of his back at shoulder line. Yes, she had seen it before and heard the story behind, during several routine health checks. Oh boy was she looking forward to seeing it again.

Tsunade and Naruto then had the most wonderful time teasing the rest of world, who of course then had to go back to the photo for another look. This again annoyed Jiraya; he had another new book out.

PS. Naruto did tell Iruka sensei about it over ramen and fell off his stool laughing as the rather modest man turned the color of a cooked lobster.


	2. Chapter 2

The anonymous back chapter 2

What Happened to Iruka.

Well, Iruka was there from the very start, one of the first people who saw Anko's souvenir calendar. He was also involved in several discussions about it and jokingly suggested they do a mock one (featuring pets like tonton the pig) as a prank. This, strangely, made the discussions get more serious as to how to go about it etc. Not taking them at all seriously Iruka got buried in academedy exam preparations, surfacing only briefly to hear about Tsunade's drunken challenge.

By the time the exams were over Ibiki had put his foot down, issued his threat and supplied Asuma with the truth serum he and Gai used on Kakashi. Iruka did witness Kakashi, heavily sedated by the serum, being pulled along the mission office corridors. Kakashi had been whining about life not being fair and that beauty must be shared when it could. Unfortunately Gai had to hit him when he started quoting some of his own best lines about springtime. (Iruka had to go hide around a corner with 3 other office Chunnin for a while, until the need to giggle wore off.)

Next came, the paper work for the list of nominations and Iruka was rather surprised to find himself on it until he noticed Genma and Raido grinning at him from the other side of the mission room. Then he ignored it and got on with the paper pushing, vote counting, ego soothing and finally the photo schedule for all nominees. He also put forward the suggestion that all the people involved receive at least one of their photo's to keep as long as it did not resemble the ones that were to be used in the calendar. This was deemed fair to all the people involved, (except Ibiki who is paranoid about security) that they all get at least one good photo of themselves out of the entire operation.

Ibiki then asked Iruka to serve as the unofficial secretary for the photographer as he had the highest security clearance of the office chunnin available, (not to mention he was also the most discrete). This meant a couple of months of severe scheduling headaches, arranging meals, assisting the photographer and getting people to co operate in front of the camera. (Threats, bribery, flattery and in several cases a lot of alcohol). This also means he saw everything, everyone and had to avert his eyes. All the while trying not to blush too much. (Actually the blushing actually helped a lot of people calm down)

He also asked special permission from the Hokage for Anko's case to be reconsidered as she, unofficially, had received one of the highest vote counts and he was sick of her complaining about it to he every time he came near her. (Yes he knew who else was on the top twelve lists too). Other problems included sending ABNU after reluctant nominees, calming paranoid nerves and distracting people who though they knew more than the photographer about his trade. (This included Gai fussing about his faces 'best side' even though it was not going to be in the photo).

Finally all the photo's were done except for his. The photographer was exhausted from the effort he had put in but insisted that Iruka poise for his photo as a thank you for all the help he had given. (He also insisted that it would be his masterpiece). So Iruka found himself wearing loose cotton trousers (without under wear) and his hair down, trying out various poises on a kitchen chair and in a door frame. Of course the problem of his scars came up at once, but the photographer rose to the challenge once more. Deciding that Iruka's back was less recognizable than his front, he rubbed it with reflective oil and shone lights on it to hide his scar in a myriad of shiny areas that showed off the muscle structure.

He then took several shots at different angles. The photographer then scuttled off to the dark room to develop it while Iruka dressed.

Iruka, feeling like himself once more, then proceeded to clean up the studio space, sorting all the left over paper work, putting the props neatly to one side. He didn't dare touch the cameras or tripods. After about an hour the photographer came dancing out of the dark room and presented Iruka with his masterpiece. Iruka was speechless and instead started to blush like rose.

………………………………………………………………………………...


	3. Chapter 3

The anonymous back chapter 3

Who found out who and why.

Who found out who was in their favorite photo, how and why?

Starting with the already known (I quote from the 1st chapter.)

First and most obvious was Gai's photo, no he was not doing his thumbs up pose, it's just that the tight green jumpsuit leaves nothing to the imagination especially on a hot sweaty day when it practically molded itself to his body.

He was in black and white tones, a full front torso shot that started at his hips and stopped below his chin. It was a classic wilting pose against a Greek pillar with ivy. For once people agreed that he was indeed in the springtime of his youth.

The second ID was somewhat slower; a woman shown neck to thigh from the side sat in a window frame toying with a necklace, a ribbon and of course a kunai. It was proven to be Kunari when Asuma, back from a mission of a couple of months, first saw the calendar, fainted from blood loss (mission related wounds, cough, cough.) and then marched over to her apartment for the loudest domestic argument in recent history.

Kunari then ID Asuma in the calendar to shut him up. He hid in shame for about a week. His photo, done in silver nitrate, consisted of torso shot, a lot of discarded wrapping paper and a large metallic ribbon ornately wrapped about his manfully furry chest and shoulders. (Yes, a lot of enterprising people started selling 'Asuma' teddy bears as soon as they found out).

That leaves 6 men and 3 women unknown apart from the centerfold. Who found out what you ask? Well Iruka was the assistant etc. for the Photographer so he saw every thing and knew who was who. So did the photographer, who had to go on a three week holiday to recover from his artistic triumph. (Yes he was still under surveillance; well he would keep talking about caterpillars and butterflies.) Any one else who knew had to figure it out for themselves.

I think I'll do the big reveal in order of month.

JANUARY – Gai

FEBRAURY – Asuma

MARCH – This one was figured out by a newly established genin team. Consisting of Moegi, Konohamaru and Udon. Why? Because it featured a slender man in a black satin robe, (very loosely tied) standing in the door way of a back lit closet.

Konohamaru could not resist shoving it in his teacher Ebisu's face yelling "See sensei that's what a closet pervert looks like!" Then wondering why Ebisu turned scarlet, set the calendar on fire and stomped on the ashes, before delivering a confusing lecture on morals mixed heavily with hypothetical people and a bit of self justification.

Yes it confused the 3 twelve year olds for about a week until Moegi got out the "Manual of Morals for Preteens" (not a real book it just sounds good) from the library and a dictionary. It took about another week of discussion and dissection before they figured out what their Sensei had been on about.

This still didn't make any sense to them until they got their hands on another calendar and went through the past events again.

It took them all afternoon but they had wide grins on their faces when they confronted Ebisu next morning. The smiles lasted a week until Ebisu got something worst on them and they had to drop it.

APRIL – Kurenai

MAY- This photo was very dark with only one light source, imitating a moonbeam that illuminated an elegant fainting couch with curved legs, a sloped back and tapestry covering. On the conch, his head hidden in shadow reclined a man with a well toned but lanky build. He lay on his back with an arm resting on the back of the couch; the other was across his abdomen resting just above his hips. A blatantly sexual note had been added by the placement of a very full and fluffy feather held in his hand that tactfully covered his private area before the photo edge cut off completely. As a final humorous note the photographer had hand colored the feather a bright sugar pink?

It was Ayame, the ramen girl who figured out who this was when the calendar fell off the kitchen wall and accidentally into the garbage bin. A very full of liquid remains garbage bin.

Ayame rescued it and managed to clean most of the photos, but the one of the man with the feather had absorbed something that made the feather look more orange than pink.

This particular photo had been annoying Ayame as something familiar for a while but now the whole thing became clear. She privately asked Kakashi to sign it for next time he came for ramen. He put his bright orange book in his lap; smiled happily and said well at least 'someone' has looked underneath the underneath.

JUNE – A heavily contrasted photo, the scene consisted of a male lying on his side on a fuzzy rug in front of lit fireplace. Visible from neck to knee, a lovely broad back, squared hips and flat buttocks were displayed. A beautiful sake cup was balanced on his hip while a matching bottle rested on the floor below. Team Kurenai were looking the calendar for the first time when Hinata took one look at the photo turned scarlet and ran away from her teammates to hide. Team Gai were also looking at it when Shino and Kiba came passed looking for Hinata. Neji looked at the photo was silent for a moment then went to look for Hinata. Hanabi also got her hands on the calendar saw the photo but she didn't see anything untoward.

Neji found Hinata huddled in a corner of the main houses library clutching a photo album. He silently sat next her looking at the candid photos within. On the left hand page there were snap shots of the previous generation of Hyuga clan at the riverside. Including a very happy picture of Hinata and Neji's fathers lying on their sides on towels in front of an empty fire pit while their mother's balanced empty sake cups on their men's hips in competition with each other. The last living person in the photo found them there when they did not come to dinner. Hiashi Hyuga smiled sadly at the photo and the calendar in his daughter and nephew's hands before gently prodding them to the dinner table. When Hanabi wanted to know why they were late they all just smiled," we got caught up in a memory "Hiashi said," I'll tell you later.

Still got six months to go.


	4. Chapter 4

The anonymous back chapter 4

July – Tusunade was in her official office having a quiet drink, while she played "guess who "with the calendar. (Behind a large pile of paper work for camouflage) when Ibiki the head of interrogation and torture came in with a fistful of reports.

Looking up she grinned at him before holding up the calendar photo of a broad, but utterly hairless, chest in an open chunnin vest (that was hanging off his shoulders) while a unseen water source simulated a rain shower that ran in streams all across his skin.

"You know it doesn't matter how many times I see your chest' Tsunade mused "I still can't get over how less scared it is compared to the rest of you".

"Amateur torturers are like amateur cooks", stated Ibiki placing the reports in the appropreiate pile "they always forget to turn the meat".

August – There was a high pitched giggle from behind Ibiki's left shoulder and Anko walked round her superior officer holding the rest of the paper work. "My, Ibiki san I didn't know you had such a beefcake chest," Anko picked up the calendar and gazed at July before flipping to August, "but then I guess you didn't know I had such a hot ass".

She handed the open calendar to him and left the office grinning. Tsunade stood up and leaned over the desk to look at the picture in Ibiki's hand.

A nude female was sensually wrapped around a tree trunk. Her neck, back and buttocks being the main focal points of the shot. "It may be just the lighting" stated Tsunade "but she's right that is one hot ass". "Indeed" agreed Ibiki, a very slight blush on his cheeks "but wasn't she banned from the proceedings for security reasons"? "Yes but we were short of females and she had the highest vote count after…never mind" answered Tsunade.

Ibiki replaced the calendar on the desk and left the office, still blushing slightly.

September – Sakura, Ino, Hinata and Ten Ten were having a girl's only picnic after training with each other at the Hyunga compound. Having dealt with the ninja part of their lives, they were now indulging in teenage girl giggles and gossip over a 'nutritional' lunch and several copies of the calendar. The photo for September was the object of their current giggles mainly because it was a side shot of a man tied to a long pole and slung over an open fire as though he were a roast pig.

The sides of the photo clipped off his head below his hips as usual, but there was a little bit of white hair visible near the neck.

The girls were discussing who had white hair among the adult ninja. So far Kakashi was the favorite even though the man in the photo was much more heavily built than him. They was just discussing the possibly of it being Ibiki in a wig when angry screams came from the large Hyuuga bath house followed by the sound of splintering wood.

Jiriaiya suddenly flew pass in a shower of bath objects before being brought to earth by three ladies grinding their heels into his head. He landed face first in the dirt in front of the girls who giggled while Sakura admistered a sleep treatment to keep him unconscious.

Taking inspiration from September they fetched a long pole and trussed jiriaiya to it. The ladies from the bathhouse now decently attired smiled approvingly and started to collect fire wood and a roast support from the house.

Once the wood was piled and the pole in place they studied the photo and decided to go the whole way. Yes, they stripped him, bundled his hair out of the way and lit the fire. Sakura then reversed her sleep treatment and settled down to watch with the other ladies.

Jiraiya's nose twitched 1st, then his hands and feet flexed against the bounds, finally his eyes opened and registered his situation. His eyes widened and his hair suddenly broke free and surrounded him in an armored coat that protected him from the flames that were now just touching his bottom. He quickly freed himself from the bounds but almost fell into the fire, still slightly dizzy from sleep. Dazed he sat safely on the ground and gazed stupidly at the group of females laughing hysterically at him. Then He spotted the calendar and a slow grin spread across his face. Jiraiya stood up proudly (and stark naked) "Ladies I didn't know my photo had such beautiful fans, if you wanted an autograph all you to was ask" he stated in magnificent tones. 10 Minutes later Jiraiya was in the town square retied to the pole and suspended on a higher rack over a larger fire. There were September photos with arrows all pointing to him scattered across the square.

Only 3 more months to go.


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry about the wait.

The anonymous back chapter 5

October – Raido was in hospital with a delayed reaction to a poison, from his last mission, when the calendar came out. Not being allowed to walk about or even move very much (the poison was mostly in his lymphatic system the circulation of which is controlled mostly by body movement) he was bored out of his mind so the med staff gave him a copy of the calendar to play guess who with. Raido did a casual flip through until he reached October where he stopped and examined the photo a little more closely.

The background was one of those extra large photo posters of a country road lined with trees, in the foreground a three quarter view of a male torso. Neck to hip as usual, in low riding faded jeans, a jacket flung carelessly over the right hand shoulder, no shirt but some thoughtful person had applied a sheen of sweat and then traced wet line from the under the jacket, across the chest allllll the way down to the button on his pants.

A slow smug smile spread across Raido's face," Damn I look good!"

November – Hearing the med staff in the hall, Raido quickly flipped over to November and found himself looking a mock bathroom shot.

A hand basin, mirror and western style bath with clawed feet stood against a white background while a man his hair hidden by a shower cap bent over the bath wearing only a short towel testing the water in the bath. His other hand held a toothbrush, a large toothpick and a strand of dental floss by his side.

Raido's eyes narrowed focused on the hand holding the tooth brush, the tooth pick partially hidden by the brush and floss, it still looked out of place being too long and pointy for a mere toothpick.

A passing nurse was then startled to hear a great shout of laughter from Raido's room followed by a long stream of slightly Muffled hysterical giggles. Knowing that excess body movement could worsen his condition the nurse burst in to his room ready to reprimand who ever had caused this behavior. She found Raido alone, clutching his pillow across his face, trying desperately to stop his laughter. She pulled the pillow away and administered an extremely painful pinch the earlobe (usually reserved for checking comatose patients in an emergency) which stopped the giggles with a yelp. She then took all of Raido's vital signs and made a note on his bed chart of the incident, before giving him a stern look and inquiring "What's so funny that you would endanger your life by moving about that much?"

Raido grinned pointed to Mr. November and said "Genma never could leave his favorite senbon at home". The Nurse's mouth dropped open and she scuttled off to the medic staff station share the news.

P.S. Genma was puzzled by the constant gifts of bath supplies left at his door but was rather pleased by the offers a sponge bath, from some rather saucy medics, on his next trip to hospital.

December – Back in the first chapter of this story Sakura was pestering Naruto about who was in the centerfold, he was at first not really interested, (after training with Jiraiya you can overload on perversion a bit) but since he couldn't seem to avoid copies of the calendar all over the place, he bought one. Settled in a comfortable tree on a nice day, with snacks, he studied the calendar, writing his guesses on the borders of the pages. Pleasantly surprised by the quality of the photo's (and the lack of smut therein) he spent a couple of hours going back and forth though the pages playing guess who.

Apart from the centerfold, the photo that caught his interest most was December. A beautiful back shot of a classic geisha side sitting on her legs, her kimono off her shoulders revealing a graceful back, tattooed with an elegant white dragon surrounded by red cherry blossoms. Her hair was dark in color and in an elaborate bun with all the trimmings, her head slightly in profile so that the barest tip of nose was visible around the curve of her cheek. There was no background just a white blank wall in front of her.

Something niggled at the back of Naruto's memory, this woman was familiar and yet not. Studying the photo further revealed that in spite of careful lighting this was not young woman, there were mature curves, lines and wrinkles to be found if one looked in the right areas. With a start Naruto realized who it was, dropped what he was doing and took off with the calendar at dead run to the woman in question's current residence.

Bursting in though the doors all through her house he found her alone in the private garden. First words out of his mouth were "Are you crazy?" followed by diatribe about danger, stupid vanity and perverts becoming crazed and seeking her out, not to mention debt collectors and tax men. Bemused she watched until he ran out of breath and flopped in a sitting position on the floor in front of her. "Granny Tsunade why did you have to drop your disguise like that?" was the last bit that came out in a frightened whisper. Tsunade smiled and offered him a tiny bit of the sake she was drinking. "Three reasons really"' she replied " 1 I got the highest count of votes for the females, thanks to the perverts of this village who just wanted to see my breasts revealed in all there glory. 2 No one but you, Shizume and Jiraiya has any idea what I actually look like and I doubt you will be telling any one. 3 it's been ages since I had a proper photo done and I decided if it was going to be nude I might as well go the whole way".

There was silence for a whole minute before she spoke again " Besides I've been dealing with Jiraiya's peeping for years it's be nice to have the stress release again" so saying she let fly with a empty sake bottle into the bushes to their left. There was a yelp of pain, a thump and the bushes rustled.

Naruto giggled smiled at his beautiful mother figure and said "It's a really pretty photo Hokagae sama".

Two more chapters maybe, at least one more from Iruka's point of veiw.


End file.
